Skip to main content

Key 3: Don't Fear Criticism | Nine Keys to Healthy Relationships

So what happens when we start to deal with these unhealthy relationships that don’t bring us into the purpose God has for us? 

When you begin to grow and mature and get away from the unhealthy relationships, you better become comfortable with criticism. Why? Because not everybody is going to be happy about your decision. You cannot please all people all the time. And people are going to make fun of you.

To break away from unhealthy relationships, you need to be comfortable in your own skin and confident enough to know who you are and the God whom you serve. Some people are going to look you in the eye and say, “Oh, so you think you’re better than us now? You’re Miss Righteous, aren’t you.” There are people who are going to try to pull you back. The loss of whatever you’ve been giving these people is going to make them upset.

When you begin to walk away from unhealthy relationships, people who have controlled you, manipulated you, used you, abused you, and know how to pull all the strings that keep you in that unhealthy relationship are going to increase the pressure. They won’t give up without a fight. And when they see you becoming whole and healthy, it becomes a mirror reflection of their sickness and their dysfunction, which will make them angry.
You will need to be rock solid in your conviction that you deserve better because God has shown you better. 
When you know better in your heart, you do better. And so you can say, “I love you, but I can’t live with you this way. I love you, but I can’t compromise my character for anybody. I like you, but I’m not going to forfeit my destiny. So I’m going to let God deal with you as God is dealing with me, and you can call me whatever you want. Do whatever you want to do. Say whatever you want to say. I really don’t care. I’m going to love you. I’m not going to retaliate, because I am trusting God to take care of me as well as you.”

Here’s a visual of what you’ll face. If you’ve ever seen a pot of live crabs, you know that when one crab starts trying to climb out of the pot, the other crabs try to latch hold of it and pull it back down. As you are getting healthy and pulling yourself out of the pot, most of the people in your life are not going to say, “Here’s my hand, help me out, too.” No, most of them are going to grab you by your foot and try to yank you back down. You have to have the utter conviction that you are going where God tells you to go. You’re going to do what God says you can do. You’re going to have what God says you can have.

Trust God to give you the courage to end the relationship, and then trust Him to give you broad shoulders and thick enough skin to take the criticism you may face for ending the relationship.

Adapted from Paula White-Cain's best selling book "I Don't Get Wholeness...That's the Problem!"
Do you have a prayer you'd like to share with Pastor Paula?
Send it to her at


Popular posts from this blog

God's Treasures

"but we have this treasure in earthen vessels," 2 Corinthians 4:7

Have you ever felt worthless, or did not perceive the value you have? Have people ever tried to make you feel less than you should about yourself? But who determines your value? Who decides what your appraisal should be? The answer is God.

God has made you, and you are a rare vessel. You are a treasure in an earthen vessel. You are a vessel of honor. Did you know that God does not have a junkyard? The devil tries to convince us that we are useless and obtain no value. But the devil is a liar. God made you and loves you the way you are.

If God be for us, who can be against us? Believe today that God will show Himself to you and allow you to see yourself from His view. Pray this prayer: "Father, I am Your gift, and I will declare Your glory. I worship you this day in the beauty of your holiness. I accept myself for who I am because I am wonderfully and fearfully made. I am made in your image to reflect you…

Failproof Faith

"For if ye do these things, ye shall never fall." 2 Peter 1:10b The author of this book is the apostle Peter. It strikes me funny that he is the one who writes this. It is obvious that he learned through experiences, for he was the one who (in my opinion) struggled the most to stand. He loved God, he followed God, he gave to God, he forsook all, but he struggled in the end to stand. Is this not the real issue in your life, as well?  I am not talking about your love for God or your obedience to God; I am talking about your ability to stand. When Jesus warned Peter about his denial, Peter guaranteed Jesus that he would have his back. When we are faced with real pressure from our peers and the world, we struggle to stand. But how can you go through and not fall? Peter was the perfect portrait for most people.
His name was Simon, which means, "water." Water is unstable (taking on the shape according to its environment) in terms of an element. But Jesus renamed him, Pet…

What Is On Your Mind?

“Think on these things.” Philippians 4:8 The level of our potential depends upon the level of our thinking. If we let our minds wander into doubt and unbelief, we will drown in fear. Fear is false evidence appearing real. We cannot allow ourselves to daydream and let the devil take control of our thinking. Some Christians need to get rid of stinking thinking and get a checkup from the neck up.
Paul compelled the Philippians to think thoughts that are true, just, pure, lovely, of good report, of virtue, and of praise. Negative thinking will not only prevent you from reaching your potential, it will kill your dreams. A person who cannot dream will eventually start having nightmares.
All this week we have been focusing on our thoughts and on meditation. The Hebrew word we have focused on is, “Hagah.” The same word can be translated differently and according to the mental images of the individual. “Hagah” also means to murmur, mutter or mourn. Isaiah declared, “Your tongue hath muttered…