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Key 2: Don't Try To Be Someone Else's God | Nine Keys to Healthy Relationships

There’s a huge difference between helping a person and carrying a person. 

You aren’t the Holy Spirit. Don’t enter into an enabling relationship in which you come to feel totally responsible for a person’s success or failure.

“Not me,” you say? You’d never try to play the part of the Holy Spirit in someone else life, right? You better look at your relationships a little bit closer and not assume that is the case. As long as we’re trying to change someone, we’re trying to be their God. It’s so easy when we need to be needed to get in the way of God doing what He wants to do. And so you have to get out of the way for God to do the work He wants to do.

In fact, the truest form of the word submission means this. If you’re a wife, you may have just broke out in hives when I mentioned the word. If you’re a husband, you probably said, “Yes, preach on it!” So much emotion over that one biblical sentence from the apostle Paul: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). It’s enough to cause many women to hyperventilate.

But if you understand what the words mean, you can take the brown paper bag off your head and breathe easy. It simply means, “Wives, duck” (my paraphrase). It means to get out of the way. We make the mistake of thinking we have to pray this way for our husband: “God, please turn him into Casanova. Have him bring me flowers and love me like I deserve to be loved. Let him be all that, and let him look like a Greek statue.” Meanwhile, God’s is saying, “I can’t do anything.” So we get mad and ask God, “Why?” After all, He is the Creator of the heavens and earth, and surely He can fix our husband the way we’d like him to be. But God shrugs His shoulders and answers, “Because you’re in the way. The problem is not your husband. It’s you.”

Some of us keep getting in the way of God doing what He wants to do in our spouse or our child or our boss or our best friend. God may tell you that every time you give it over to Him, then you pick it back up and try to fix it yourself. So, duck. Get out of the way. First Peter 5:7 says, “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” To “cast” means to roll it over and give it to God and then leave it there. Give it up and don’t pick it up again, but leave it in the hands of God. And know that God is more qualified and better at doing the job and getting it done than you are. God knows exactly how to visit a person and how to change and transform them. He is God, and you are not.

And in all your relationships, don’t demand from people what only God can give. Only God can give you a deep awareness of how infinitely valuable and precious you are to Him, and what a glorious destiny He has for you. Only God can see and meet the unfulfilled needs in your life that even you don’t recognize. Only God can fix your heart. Only God can mend your mind. Recognize that no other human being can ever complete you, and you’ll save yourself a world of hurt.

Adapted from Paula White-Cain's book "I Don't Get Wholeness...That's the Problem!"
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Do you have a prayer you'd like to share with Pastor Paula?
Send it to her at https://paulawhite.org/prayer


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