Skip to main content

Key 1: Identify and Accept the Reality of Your Relationships | Nine Keys to Healthy Relationships

How would describe the health of your relationships? 

Be honest, because it’s crucial for your life. Friend, you cannot conquer what you don’t confront, and you cannot confront what you don’t identify. Many people live in denial or repression. They continually say, “Everything is okay. It’s okay. We get along wonderful.” But it’s not okay.

Many of us in the church are master hypocrites—the ones who wear the theatrical masks and say, “Praise the Lord! God bless you!” and pretend to love one another. We fight like cats and dogs driving to church, then slip into our prayer robes and act as though we’re going to get power from God. We’re not going to get power from God by slipping into something we don’t wear all the time, because God is never fooled.

God is saying, “Listen up. Stop being hypocritical, and let’s deal with it.” To relinquish the unhealthy, you have to admit to yourself when something is not functioning. If you are presently involved in relationships that prey on your heart and rob you of control over your life, it’s time to make a change. Trust God to help you recognize when a relationship is becoming detrimental to you, to your ministry, or to the health of your family life.
There are four types of relationships in your life—those that add, those that subtract, those that multiply, and those that divide.  

And so when something becomes divisive, or when something is subtracting, you have to look at the reality of that relationship and say, “It’s not working,” which means one of three things.

Number one, that relationship was only for season. Like those rocket boosters that lift you into the first atmosphere, they must fall off if you’re going to make it to the next level. You keep trying to hold on to the relationship, but God is saying, “It’s time for that relationship to fall off. I’m trying to get you to the next stratosphere, but if you try to hang on to those boosters, they will actually pull you back down and destroy you.” Some relationships are there for a season, but if you hold on past their longevity, what was once delightful will become destructive.

Number two, that relationship is one that God says you have to leave because the person will hold you to an old mentality and lifestyle. We saw this clearly in the call of Abraham. God told him to leave his country, his family, and his father’s house and go to a land that He would show him (Genesis 12:1). Some people will hold you to your past, so you have to leave. They will subtract and divide your life. You have to be real with yourself and the relationship and ask, “What do I do to move ahead to the place that God has for me?”

First Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits.’ ” You become a product of what you are around. And if you continue to hold on to a relationship that is no longer a part of God’s plan, then you will never fulfill the purpose that God has for you. You are trying to rehabilitate something that God is finished with. You cannot revive something that God says is not going to work.

Number three, if you think you’re going to be able to change that person and take them with you, you are deceiving yourself. You are lying to yourself. People change, but not much. The Bible says, “Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard its spots? Then may you also do good who are accustomed to do evil” (Jeremiah 13:23). The only way someone can change is through the Word of God that sanctifies and washes them, and you cannot force-feed the Word if they’re not hungry. All you can do is pray that God will get them in a place where they are starving for the Word, because the Word will transform them.

If you want to change your way of living, you’ve got to change your way of thinking. But until you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you’re not going to change your way of thinking. And so, you can never change somebody else. You have to accept that person for who they are and recognize who they are. Nevertheless, I find singles thinking that if they just get married, they can change their partner. To that I say, “The devil is a liar.” You’re not going to change anybody. For the new season in your life, God might not want you to be in a relationship with them.
Here’s a principle we need to grasp: unconditional love and compassion is accepting a person for exactly who they are and recognizing that God is doing the work in their life. 
We have to be ready to pay the price for allowing God to work in their life in His way. Perhaps you feel God has used you in the past to help change someone, but you sense it was for a season. Releasing someone does not mean they will not get better. It means God is better suited for the job than you are. And bringing closure does not mean it’s final. It means you are giving them over to God.

Adapted from Paula White-Cain's best selling book "I Don't Get Wholeness...That's the Problem!"
Do you have a prayer you'd like to share with Pastor Paula?


Popular posts from this blog

God's Treasures

"but we have this treasure in earthen vessels," 2 Corinthians 4:7

Have you ever felt worthless, or did not perceive the value you have? Have people ever tried to make you feel less than you should about yourself? But who determines your value? Who decides what your appraisal should be? The answer is God.

God has made you, and you are a rare vessel. You are a treasure in an earthen vessel. You are a vessel of honor. Did you know that God does not have a junkyard? The devil tries to convince us that we are useless and obtain no value. But the devil is a liar. God made you and loves you the way you are.

If God be for us, who can be against us? Believe today that God will show Himself to you and allow you to see yourself from His view. Pray this prayer: "Father, I am Your gift, and I will declare Your glory. I worship you this day in the beauty of your holiness. I accept myself for who I am because I am wonderfully and fearfully made. I am made in your image to reflect you…

Failproof Faith

"For if ye do these things, ye shall never fall." 2 Peter 1:10b The author of this book is the apostle Peter. It strikes me funny that he is the one who writes this. It is obvious that he learned through experiences, for he was the one who (in my opinion) struggled the most to stand. He loved God, he followed God, he gave to God, he forsook all, but he struggled in the end to stand. Is this not the real issue in your life, as well?  I am not talking about your love for God or your obedience to God; I am talking about your ability to stand. When Jesus warned Peter about his denial, Peter guaranteed Jesus that he would have his back. When we are faced with real pressure from our peers and the world, we struggle to stand. But how can you go through and not fall? Peter was the perfect portrait for most people.
His name was Simon, which means, "water." Water is unstable (taking on the shape according to its environment) in terms of an element. But Jesus renamed him, Pet…

What Is On Your Mind?

“Think on these things.” Philippians 4:8 The level of our potential depends upon the level of our thinking. If we let our minds wander into doubt and unbelief, we will drown in fear. Fear is false evidence appearing real. We cannot allow ourselves to daydream and let the devil take control of our thinking. Some Christians need to get rid of stinking thinking and get a checkup from the neck up.
Paul compelled the Philippians to think thoughts that are true, just, pure, lovely, of good report, of virtue, and of praise. Negative thinking will not only prevent you from reaching your potential, it will kill your dreams. A person who cannot dream will eventually start having nightmares.
All this week we have been focusing on our thoughts and on meditation. The Hebrew word we have focused on is, “Hagah.” The same word can be translated differently and according to the mental images of the individual. “Hagah” also means to murmur, mutter or mourn. Isaiah declared, “Your tongue hath muttered…